The Chronicles of Dark Danger #1

“Danger. Dark Danger.  You want something stolen? I can guarantee the I will retrieve it 100%”
Dark’s eyes wandered around the room until they finally paused for a breath at a child in the middle of the room wearing a crown.
The room was filled with aristocrats, though none of them had any noble blood.
See a hundred years ago the country had had Dukes and Lords and a King, all of them said to be descended from the gods.  They were loved by the people and all was well until one day the King passed a bill supplying free healthcare.
“Communist!” His people yelled through toothless mouths.  They needed healthcare but they were to proud to take it for free.  So they marched with their broken legs and they fought with their dislocated arms to overthrow their leaders.  When they celebrated their victory they threw up their feasts but dammit they were proud to.
Their victory left a power vacuum.  No-one knew how to fill it until someone suggested a bi-yearly monopoly tournament.  And that is how the leaders have been chosen for the past hundred years.
Unfortunately no-one remembered how much children played monopoly, so a good portion of the aristocracy were children. In fact the current King was a 6 year old named Steve.
“Dark, thank you for coming. It’s an emergency!” The Duke of Boardwalk sputtered.  The Duke was a man of 32, still quite young, but his beard was already fighting a losing battle against the gray hairs.
“Unless he get’s his choo-choo, as he calls it, he’ll kill all of us!” The Lady of Mediterranean Avenue said. She was 16 and already missing a hand because she’d “stolen” one of the King’s cookies.
“Where is this choo-choo?” Dark asked
“His parents have it, but they want a get out of jail free card in return, and we’ve only got one left. We had to trade the other for a passing grade for the King’s kindergarten class.” The Duke said, sounding quite exasperated.
The King, who had been silent during this entire affair finally spoke up in the high pitched squeak he called his voice.
“Shhhhhh! Be quiet! I’m twying to sweep! I cwut off your mouth snake!”
“That’s what he calls a tongue.” The lady whispered.
“Look lady, let’s get this over with, I’ve got an entire basked of rotten tomatoes for throwing waiting at home. I told you I can most likely do this!” Dark said. Truth be told though he just really needed to pee and was to embarrassed to say so.
“Here’s the address.” The Duke handed him an envelope. Dark looked inside of it and in there was a piece of paper and a whole bunch of crumbly cookies. “He insisted. The place is guarded so be careful, but I’m sure you can figure it out. Cookie speed!”
“Cookie speed?” Dark asked.
“Yes, the King has banned the “G” word and replaced it with the word ‘Cookie’, church gets very crazy”
“Look, I don’t have time for this. I’ve got a 50-50 chance at this, I should be back in the next two hours or so.”
“Wait? 50-50? You guaranteed you could get it!” The Lady yelled.
Dark was already walking out the door when she said that. He turned around, his black cloak flowing behind him.
“Did I say that? Sorry I meant 40-60.” And with that he was out the door, ready to take on the day’s challenges.
To Be Continued

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