Jeff the Eye-Patch Guy

Another few minutes and they’d be out of teleporting and firing range. Jeff and his crew were already barely able to hit the enemy spacecraft.
Jeff wondered if the gain of taking down the GalaxyPlatapus was worth all the cargo they had lost. Also the people he added as an afterthought.
The crew of the SpaceGopher had been chasing the other ship for weeks. Across galaxies, universes, and dimensions they had raced. Together they had flown through the Milky Way, the Butterfinger and the Snicker galaxies. They’d been through our realities and others. They’d had fuel runs on planets full of rabbit kings and plants of sentient immobile rocks. All for one purpose; to warn the Clearwater Republic of the impending invasion of Space Liechenstein. They both wanted the glory and were willing to do anything to win it.
The two scouting ships had been at odds ever sense a dodgeball match gone wrong. The captain of the SpaceGopher, Jeff, lost his eye. This caused two thing to happen. First off a bitter rivalry was formed because after the eye incident the SpaceGopher left the crew of the GalaxyPlatapus stranded on a planet full of the Irish with no way off. The second effect was that Jeff thought he was a lot cooler because of the eyepatch. The crew couldn’t tell which was worse.
“I! The Magnificent Jeff command you to teleport me over there to wup some GalaxyPlatapus buttocks!” Jeff said.
“We’re not in range Captain!” His first mate Steve said. Before the Eyepatch (The crew called it B.E.) Steve had been an attractive young man, but as Jeff’s ego grew the inverse happened to Steve’s hair. Any hair left over was thin and green from all the radiation they’d been exposed to.
“That’s Sir Magnificent Captain to you!” Jeff yelled, shooting Steve in the leg. “And if we’re not close enough bring me close enough!”
“With all due respect Sir Magnificent Captian,” Steve said through gritted teeth. His eyes moved to the diamoter on the control panel with was alight with blinking buttons. Actually the ship functioned completely telepathically with Steve but Steve kept the flashing lights and buttons to impress the navigator Amanda.
“Any faster and we risk disintegration!” Steve finished.
“I’m willing to risk it!” Jeff proclaimed. With that he slapped Steve and pressed as many buttons as he could. This left Steve with the dilemma of either making something happen or looking like a complete fool in front of Amanda.
Steve made the quick decision to lose the part of the ship carrying Super Baby Project #2,391.
“Sir, you’ve dropped project Super Baby into space,” Steve said feigning suprised (‘Look whose Drama lessons were useless now Dad!’ Steve thought), “but now we’ve lost enough wait to increase our speed to get into teleporting range!”
“All right! Another great adventure of the most amazing hero of all… Jeff! Let’s do this!”

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