Foreword to Balancing Your Life, Love, and Yarn

Foreword to Balancing Your Life, Love, and Yarn

               I’ve known Kevin Birdsley for 8 years now, after teaching him at the Lizard Wizard University. He was such a mess back then, full of chaos and energy, it took me an entire year to destroy the creativity and excitement out of him. He discovered himself after that, he took a year off from school and traveled all the way to Cawker City, Kansas. To see the biggest yarn ball in the world. He came back completely inspired and was never the same.

Kevin said he saw the world in a different life when he saw that yarn and lived among the Kansans. He changed. When he came back he said, “Franklin, I saw the organization of the yarn… Now I understand why I should stop trying to steal your wife, and start helping people see the yarn.”

Something was very different about Kevin, when I met him he was a fat, stupid, and unloved. After this he managed to become skinny, smart, and used his money to buy love.

Quickly after he returned he dropped out of my class and college and disappeared. I nearly forgot about him except for our daily dinners. Then one day out of the blue a book appeared on my steps, Balancing Your Life, Love, and Yarn.

I opened it up and inside of it I found the perfect way to balance my life. I hope deep down he learned this beautiful way of life through my class. Intro to Peeing in Bushes.

Next thing I knew the book went platinum. I don’t know how he afforded to print all those books in platinum but he did it.

Kevin did it, he made the rounds, went on all the talk shows, stole my wife, and won a Nobel Prize. For Physics. I don’t know how it happened, but it did.

Recently after that I was replaced by Kevin as the teacher to Intro to Peeing in bushes. I was so proud of him though, and every time I asked him if I could have my job back he’d only kick me a little bit.

Then came the sequel. Balancing Your Life, Love, and Stealing Your Teachers Life.

It was a great read, but I was a little concerned about the subject material. It’s crazy in retrospect but I thought he was talking about me. So I went to talk to him and everything was cleared up. The next day I woke up and my hair, mustache, and eyebrows were missing. Also my fingertips burned.

At least I still had my ever supporting kids though. But then they left me for Kevin and Mrs. Birdsley. It was fine though, because their dining room was on the first floor, so when I watched their Thanksgiving dinner it was like I was there myself.

Shortly after that Kevin approached me about writing the foreword to his book, Death to My Teacher. The title concerned me, but I let it go because Kevin would never hurt me. So here I am now, writing the foreword for this fantastic book as Kevin sits behind me, muttering.

Death to My Teacher is a brilliant in-depth look into the mind of a genius, and I certainly endorse as much as I can. Now if you’ll excuse me Kevin and I are about to partake in a strange smelling drink.




One thought on “Foreword to Balancing Your Life, Love, and Yarn

  1. I wish there were more lives worth stealing. I’ve mostly chosen friends based on people who make me feel happy to be me and not them. Have you considered creating a book that helps identify theft-worthy lives?


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