The scene opens on an attractive young man. He should be attractive, not ugly attractive like Bret from accounting, but attractive attractive like me. Standing next to him is a woman who is attractive but not so attractive as to make the man look less attractive. So maybe a 6, like you!
The woman and the man are laughing! Ha! They look so happy because she broke up with some idiot probably named Bret and now they are in love. Tell this story through their eyes.
Suddenly a voice is heard. “Are you tired of being able to open jars?” it asks. Both of the characters look down at the kitchen counter and there are just dozens of opened jars. The characters look back up as if saying, “What type of monsters are we?”, but then she REALLY says “I’m so glad I broke up with Bret for you.”
“Are you tired of your slap marks leaving only hand prints?” The narrator asks as the girl slaps a guy that looks like Bret from accounting. There’s a handprint across his face. And what’s this? The slap marks spell out “Bret’s a tool!”
Then the narrator says “You can solve both of those problems. All it takes is one simple procedure to change that forever!” Suddenly funky music starts playing, preferably something good would work, maybe you could get Bret to have his band record a song! Not! We want something actually good.
Suddenly both the characters are in a hospital, suddenly the doctor pops up with a chainsaw! But you can tell there’s something wrong because she’s not smiling with the glee normal people feel when holding a chainsaw. No, her expression says “Bret cheated on you with me, and you should totally start dating someone new.” Then she suddenly perks up and chops the guys hand right off!
Everything goes black, and next thing we know the guy is in a hospital bed. The shot opens up on a tv that says ‘Bret Named Least Likable Person Ever’. The guy pumps his fist in the air. But wait, what’s this? It’s not a fist? Your right! It’s a hook! Then the girl runs in and starts hardcore making out with him. We should have a meeting regarding that, I’ll need to show you exactly what I want. For the commercial.
“Hank’s Hooks, coming to a hospital that’s near…ly legal.” Finally the young couple are back at their house, with a bunch of broken jars in the back. They’re kissing, lovingly. Finally the camera pans out and right behind the couch… they’re sitting on is Bret’s dead body.