What Happened to the Past?


What happened to the past? Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday things were different? Like maybe less smelly or better dressed? What happened to the yesterday’s of yore? Have things changed so much that we just can’t have another yesterday?

I say no. Hi. I’m Jimmy Powerstache and I’m here to talk about my campaign for Governor of  Clearwater. A lot of my opponents will question why I’m running for Governor when it’s only a city. They’ll ask things like, ‘Don’t you mean Mayor’ and ‘Governor is in charge of a state, not city’. I’m just going to ask you, do you really think we should have someone in charge who doesn’t believe Clearwater can have a Governor? I personally believe that we should try and shoot for the stars, but if you really want to vote for someone who hates dreams go ahead.Read More »

A Short Report Regarding Gravitual Portals

For the past six months I have been spending my time and money on researching the magical properties of Gravity Portals. Now many scientists have said there is a 100% chance that Gravity Portals don’t exist, they’ll cite things like “Why would there be a Portal made of Gravity? I mean seriously.” Or “What even is a Gravity Portal? Gravity does not make portals!”. Regardless, if they were so smart how come their studies weren’t sponsored by the I need to prove to my dad that Gravity Portals are Real Studies?Read More »

7 Tips to Figure Out Who Sent You a Love Letter

A constant problem of the party goer is waking up only to discover an eloquently worded love letter sitting on your desk. Unfortunately, you don’t remember a thing last night. How did it happen? Maybe Steve slipped something into your drink. Maybe you drank way too much. Or maybe you teased a horse a little too much and then got kicked in the head. Whatever the reason, you’ve gotta figure out who it is. If she’s pretty you can call her back, and if she’s an uggo then you can pretend that you’ve died, and then maybe haunt her a little bit. Whatever! I’m not going to judge. Regardless here are 7 tips to figuring out who sent you a love letter:Read More »

Restaurant Review

When I walked through the door I could immediately see the entire attention of the restaurant was pointed directly at me. “What are you doing here?” they asked. An obvious sign of poor service.

As I waited to be seated I noticed the entire place was devoid of any authentic decorations. The only thing covering the peach walls were some tacky family photos. Really the decorations perplexed me more than anything, the place didn’t strike me as an establishment of French cuisine. There must have been a real disconnect between the decorators and the owners of the door.Read More »

The Tragic Tale of Abraham Lincoln


The crazy thing about history is that us historians keep finding new evidence of historical figures all the time! There’s Queen Elizabeth’s horse manure factory, James Madison’s years as a Mexican Wrestler, and Cleopatra’s invention of the mop. Today though, we will be focusing on Abraham Lincoln’s years as an aspiring detective! I’m so excited!

Abraham Lincoln was always the most detectivey of his family. Whenever someone in his family would, for example, misplace the butter, good ol’ Abe would piece together who did it. He was wrong most of the time, but that didn’t stop him from getting the same warm feeling he got whenever he would light his log cabin on fire.Read More »