Heinrich and Quack

Heinrich and Quack were the best damn cops on the street, but very few people know about how they came together to form their crime fighting team.

Quack was a full on bad cop, he loved nothing more than just slapping people, all the time. Hey, it’s good to see you Jeff, SLAP! Happy birthday little Jessica, Slap! Hey Mom, Slap! Quack just loved to slap people all the time. It got him in trouble sometimes though. His boss, Sloppy Joe, would routinely ask for his gun and badge. It didn’t bother Quack though because he would just go back to slapping people with his hand, instead of his gun and badge.

James Heinrich on the other hand was the classic cop. He played it clean, but he wasn’t afraid to be a bad cop when need be. He loved hot dogs and spitting on people he’d just beat down on. Also he was a duck.


When Sloppy Joe died in Action, his genetically engineered giant tiger, the new boss decided to pair Heinrich and Quack right up. Everyone who’d spent any time in the force knew this was a mistake. Quack and Heinrich were constantly fighting. When Heinrich would bring in someone who fed the ducks when he wasn’t supposed to, Quack would let him go with just a slap. When Quack would come in and tell everyone not to interact with the prisoner, Heinrich would throw bread at him. They were like an old married couple.

Then one day the two of them were out on patrol, when all of a sudden a biker gang passed by, while throwing bread at them. Neither Heinrich nor Quack was cool with this. Quack began running full speed while holding onto Heinrich, then he threw the Heinrich right onto the top of the biker gangs leader. Heinrich bit his head off in one go, then he tossed it into the lake and thousands of ducks began to eat it. Next thing everyone knew, the biker gang was being attacked by ducks, Heinrich, and Quack alike. Once the massacre was over the streets ran red with blood.

Quack and Heinrich weren’t perfect together though. For instance, through a misunderstanding Heinrich was a Milwaukee Bucks fan, and Quack was a Mexican Wrestling fan. Heinrich liked tap dancing, Quack was more of an interpretive dance fan.

Eventually the two of them decided to end their partnership, so Heinrich and Quack parted ways, never to see each other again. Which was odd considering they kept their same jobs, in fact I’m not quite sure whether they never saw each other or not. Regardless, the partnership was over, both of them moving on to other things. But it is said that before they split, Heinrich and Quack beat 3 criminals to death on the police stations roof. This lasted about 45 minutes before the police shut it down for being too loud.


One thought on “Heinrich and Quack

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s