Hometown Arson Committee

Welcome and Introduction

Mr. Henry gave a brief introduction and welcomed the participants for tonight’s town meeting. He then asked for a roll call. It is to be noted he looks very handsome today, but his fly is most definitely down.

Roll Call to Order


Mr. Davis – Town Treasurer and owner of Laser Tag Emporium/Morgue

Ms. Lavender – Town Secretary and mistress of Mr. Gilchrist

Alex Duvet – Town Mayor and owner of Alex’s Animal Taxidermy

Mr. Gilchrist – Head of Town Hall Human Resources and all around tool.

Mrs. Gilchrist – Head of the anti-infidelity committee. Let it be noted she is crying

Ms. Cordue – Minutekeeper and all around femme fatale. Let it be noted she looks gorgeous tonight. Her lipstick and makeup is spot on.

Mr. Cordue – Claims to be Head of Transportation but is widely known he hasn’t worked a day in his life. And then he’ll get the kids because guess who’s best friends with the mayor? Is it the wife who’s been to every Hometown meeting? Nope! He, even though he’s shown up drunk twice! Let it be noted his hair looks stupid.

Lucky Horseshoe – The Head of Town Finances. Also a horseshoe.

James Neigh – A real horse. Let it be noted no one knows why he’s on the town committee, but he brings a real legitimacy to the town.


Reading of Last Week’s Town Minutes

Ms. Cordue read the entire thing with such a grace that it brought tears to Mrs. Gilchrist’s eyes. Not because of the extensive nearly hour long recounting of the romantic looks Ms. Lavender and Mr. Gilchrist shared.


Motion to Fire the MinuteKeeper

Mr. Cordue made a motion to fire the Minutekeeper. Let it be noted when he did this his toupee he thinks no-one knows about nearly fell off. Ms. Lavender and Mr. Gilchrist seconded the action like a bunch of idiots. No-one else joined in, and let it be noted Ms. Cordue didn’t even have to use her extensive collection of blackmail.

Motion to Instate a Town Arson Committee

Mr. Duvet made a very rousing speech about arson in this town. He made the point that nearly every town has arson, but not our town. We stood out by having so little Arson. For the better of our town Mr. Duvet proposed a Town Arson Committee, wherein which we could try and attract arsonists to our town in the hopes of improving our legitimacy.

Ms. Lavender moved to think about it over the weekend. This is seconded by everyone except for Mrs. Gilchrist, who threw a shoe at Ms. Lavender. Let it be noted it was a very solid through, especially for the fourth string pitcher in our local softball league.


Presentation By Committee for Protection Against the Undead

The Committee headed by Lucky Horseshoe made a solid case for building walls around our town to prevent the zombie attack predicted by our town oracle, Betsy the pig.

Once James Neigh neighed in agreement, Lucky used his trademark silence to drive the point in. In a stunning defeat against the undead the entire Town Council voted Yea for building a town wall and moat.

Through another powerful use of silence Lucky Horseshoe managed to get himself appointed as the lead designer of the wall.


Public Forum

The Town Council begins to take questions regarding the townspeople’s concerns.

Just kidding! We have no freedom of speech! Let it be noted that the state recognizes this joke is funny.


Closure of the Meeting

To end the meeting Mrs. Gilchrist poisoned Ms. Lavenders water. While Ms. Lavender took her final breaths, Lucky Horseshoe gave our town anthem a beautiful rendition with his stony silence.


One thought on “Hometown Arson Committee

  1. Will thesr characters, excepting Ms. Lavendar, make a return appearance on When Stories Attack? I think there are spinoff opportunities for sure!


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