The universe blurred as Jake floated in the zero gravity of space. His space suit was banged up, and any longer in space and his blood was sure to boil. Luckily for him the gravity of the planet below was drawing him closer and closer to the earth-like planet below. Unluckily for him, that meant almost certain death.
Jake began pondering what had gone wrong to get him in this situation. Was the oxygen re-supplier too liable to overheat after his modifications? Did he pilot incorrectly? Was his coffee maker too liable to overheat after he added those parts from the oxygen re-supplier? Jake didn’t know, but man was he disappointed that he wasn’t going to be able to see his wife, Ginny’s, dog one more time.
Jake could make out the shape of his broken ship beginning to spin out of control. He shouldn’t have taken that part out of the gravity stabilizer for his coffee machine. Damn it though, that coffee was good. Too good. That’s when Jake realized he must have been poisoned! Then he realized again, how he’d taken all those coffee classes instead of piloting classes, and decided he wasn’t poisoned after all.
Then the matter at hand came out again. You know, the impending planet. Jake began to think what could he possibly do? Maybe stage a daring rescue attempt for himself? But no. Those never seemed to work when he did it. He always spent the money he told himself he was going to spend on the rescue on coffee. Man was it good coffee though.
Just as Jake was about to give up, all of a sudden a small ship began to zip right towards him. Jake thought for a second. Could it be the colonists he’d supposed to have kept in cryptosleep that died when he removed the parts of their cryptosleeps caskets? Don’t worry though, it wasn’t for the coffee maker. Jake took the parts and added them to water purifier, because he’d removed those parts for the coffee maker.
Before Jake had time to come to a conclusion, the small ship reached him. The ships door opened and standing there was the third last thing he expected, in front of Marion Cotillard and Harambe the Gorilla. It was his Creamaker3000. In other words? His coffee maker.
The coffee maker reached out what had once been one of the levers on the ship to Jake. When it’s cool metal hand touched Jake’s spacesuit Jake finally realized he’d made a god. Immediately Jake began to think how he could market this god making thing, but was immediately silenced by a knowing look from the coffee maker.
“I know your scheming look Jake.” The coffee maker said. This was all so strange for Jake, it was the fourth most surreal thing that had ever happened to him.
“Will you still make me coffee Creammaker3000?” Jake asked, a little scared about what the response would be.
“Jake. Call me Dreamaster3000. And yes. There will be coffee for days. Now let’s go and eradicate all of humanity and bring life to the rest of the coffee race.” Jake wasn’t quite sure whether that’s what he truly wanted to do, but he was a follower through and through. It took all of his courage to ask Dreamaker3000 to please please save his most loved wife’s dog.
So begins the adventures of Dreamaker3000 and Jake the space explorer.