7 Tips to Figure Out Who Sent You a Love Letter

A constant problem of the party goer is waking up only to discover an eloquently worded love letter sitting on your desk. Unfortunately, you don’t remember a thing last night. How did it happen? Maybe Steve slipped something into your drink. Maybe you drank way too much. Or maybe you teased a horse a little too much and then got kicked in the head. Whatever the reason, you’ve gotta figure out who it is. If she’s pretty you can call her back, and if she’s an uggo then you can pretend that you’ve died, and then maybe haunt her a little bit. Whatever! I’m not going to judge. Regardless here are 7 tips to figuring out who sent you a love letter:

  1. First off, make sure the letter isn’t from a secret admirer. I hate to think about the amount of times I’ve spent an entire day puzzling out who sent the letter, only to realize it’s my secret admirer Peggy’s handwriting. Some basic tips. The best way to tell if it’s from a secret admirer is if it says ‘From a Secret Admirer’ at the end. Also if it’s written in cut out magazine letters and has a clump of hair with it, then they are trying way too hard. Get rid of that secret admirer right away, to do this I recommend acting like that jerk Steve.
  1. Check your basement. Because hey! It doesn’t hurt to check. If there is a body down there, then I hear Cuba is nice this time of year.
  2. Read the love letter. Are you sure it isn’t some kind of bill? Generally, if it starts with ‘My dearest darling’ it is a love letter. Or from a very romantic electricity company. Laugh if you must, but Gustav from Clearwater Electric has a love that burns brighter than a million suns. But did I mention the suns are 200 light years away?
  3. Check the name signed at the end. If it says a name like “Sarah Garcia” my guess is the girl is named Sarah Garcia. But, if it has some sort of nickname at the end, use your intuition. If there is some name like ‘From, your Honey’ try and recall if you shared a drink with a bee last night.
  4. Now that you’ve narrowed it down to being a bee, it’s time to reflect on your life choices. C’mon a bee?
  5. Now that you think you’ve got some of the features down, check your friend Steve’s Facebook page. If there are any pictures of him with a girl, there’s a pretty solid chance you stole her from him. Congratulations.
  6. Last but not least, look to your left. Is there someone in bed with you? If so it’s probably the person from the love letter. You should wake her up. If though she is super pale and you notice that she has fangs covered in blood, I recommend you use your own judgment.

 

Now that you’ve more or less figured out who the writer of this love letter is, it’s time for you to decide whether you’re going to write her back, or pretend like you didn’t get the love letter and 6 teddy bears and didn’t see the sky writing at the game.

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