Hi, I’m Chip from Chips Diner. You know, when a lot of people see me they think, “I bet that Chip guy doesn’t have any really good stories”, but they’re wrong. You’d never guess it, but as a bartender I have lots of great stories.
For example, there was this one great time where this one customer vomited all over everything. Then all of a sudden he looked up and looked me right in the eye and said, “Can I have another beer?” then vomited some more. I don’t think I’ll ever figure out what he meant, but I think it’s a riot of a story.
Another great story of mine, was the time a woman gave birth at Chip’s Diner. I remember it because her husband wouldn’t drive her to the hospital because he was drunk. Trust me I have lots of different types of stories with emotional feelings. If you don’t believe me then you should just publish my book and then see if I was right.
One of the great things about my book is that I’ve got such a great cast of characters. There’s my wife Brenda, she’s a cook at the restaurant and also our resident joke maker. Then there’s my son Chip Jr. He’s a real chip off the old block, he likes to sell alcohol and drink it. He’s the coolest six year old I’ve ever met! There is my daughter and her super cool friend Alexis. My daughter and Alexis like to put on lots of different plays. One of them will do something funny and then the other one will steal the others wallet. It’s a real performance art piece.
If your publishing company decides to pick up my book, I promise that it will sell at least four copies. My wife, son, and daughter’s friend will all purchase a book. The fourth book will be purchased by my ghost 35-40 years in the future. So basically you’re making your money back immediately. All I’m asking for is 35 million dollars. Basically I’m giving it away. If I were you I’d purchase it while it was still hot before someone else snagged it up, like another publishing company, or possibly the Sewer People.