Harold Dean Versus the American People

 

All around the country people gathered in droves around televisions and radios to hear the verdict of Harold Dean Versus the American People. Everyone desperately wanted to know what the outcome of the year long trial would be.

Money, power, tacos, and more money played a massive part in the crime Howard Dean committed. At 11:17AM James Macintyre was discovered with no head and half of a taco. Harold Dean was implicated because written on a sticky note on James’ head was the words “Harold Dean did it.” No-one knew quite why Harold decided to confess at the scene of the crime, but the jury took it straight into effect.

The peculiarities continued when Harold denied ever having murdered James Macintyre, especially because he’d never met him before. Harold Dean’s son-in-law, Frank Stillalive, said that Harold Dean’s statement that he had never met James before was “ridiculous. If he’d never met him then how did he kill him?”

Many Americans felt like Frank Stillalive made a very strong point. Everyone felt though that his character seemed especially honest because if his father-in-law Harold Dean went to prison or died, then he would get the massive fortune. And if Americans don’t have their faith in rich people, then what do they have?

There were a lot of special things that happened during the trial. For one a video of the murder showed up, the strange thing was, it wasn’t a video from a typical camera, but in fact a strange rendition of the entire events, with lots of information that hadn’t shown up in the investigation so far. Also the entire thing seemed very odd mostly because the video seemed cartoonish with lots of silly sound effects and people running in place before being able to run. And also the weird thing was at the end it said produced by Frank Stillalive Cartoon Studios. I guess we’ll never know what that means!

In the end though, people around the world were very surprised when the jury found Harold Dean innocent. When there was so much evidence against him, the world cried when the jury said “It was obviously a cartoon”, in response the world cried “We’ll believe what we choose to believe” and also “Where is my cheeseburger?”

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