The Way They Used to Be

Don’t you miss things the way they used to be? When the grass was greener and tax fraud was easier? Don’t you miss the good old days when a man was a real man and a woman was a real woman and a horse was a real horse?

I swear this very table we’re sitting at used to be something different. When I was last here, this was where the gang always hung out, and over there was where I was hired for my first job. I knew I was young for it, but I wanted to become the greatest crack den butler ever.

Now I’m just sitting at a new table, manufactured to look old, eating my delicious scone and looking back into the past. Don’t you remember when reminiscing was more fun? When there were flashbacks associated with it? I remember whenever I tried to remember something, somehow my entire group would see what I saw, then one of them would make a snappy joke at my expense. Those were the good ol’ days.

You know, even further back than that were the even better good ol’ days. Back then people would just burst into song. No-one knew how, but whenever someone expressed some sort of emotion, they’d just sing and suddenly the entire group was dancing what seemed to be some kind of choreographed dance! Absolutely phenomenal. Those were the good ol’ days, when a man and a woman could sing a duet with magical 5 part harmonies. Not anymore though, these days they resort to normal 2 part harmonies. Ridiculous.

Don’t you miss the days when one person could single handedly emote an entire phone conversation? While only hearing one person you still managed to understand completely what had happened. Why doesn’t that happen anymore?

Do you remember? Even further back than that, when the world was only in two colors? Back in the good ol’ days when everything was either black or white, or anything in between. What happened to those wholesome values? What changed about our culture? Why have we suddenly decided we’re too good for two colors?

I don’t know what the problem is with our society now, but I’m offering a $6 dollar reward to anyone that finds out.

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