An Interview With a Pirate Captain

Captain Don Jameso is one of the most prominent members of the Sea Captains Definitely Not Pirates Committee. He has been the chairman for many years when he killed the former chairman in a duel. I was given the opportunity to sit down with him right across from him on his throne of skulls.

Hi I’m Amanda.

                Hi Jackson, have you ever seen a man die?  And then while he was dying you also watched another man die? And you and your friends were betting on who would die first? No? Then don’t tell me about pain.

I’m sorry, I wasn’t.

                Oh. Well now I’m sorry. I just assume that most people are trying to tell me about pain because I’ve “essentially murdered and inflicted so much pain in life that I’m the mortal equivallent of the devil”. At least that’s what the last four journalists said. These are their skulls.


At this point Captain Jameso pointed at four separate skulls on his skull throne. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t both threatened and a little bit impressed.


                So what would you say your best pirating moment has been?

                Well there was this one great time where me and a bunch of pirating pals were ransacking this village, when all of a sudden I saw this beautiful woman. Man was she gorgeous. So I did what any pirate would do in this situation. I hired her as our head of accounting and we started to have this fun ‘Will they won’t they thing going on’. Eventually it was decided it was a definite won’t they. So I abandoned her on a desert island. Romance.


Doesn’t that seem harsh?

                No. You don’t understand, things are different in the pirate world. I didn’t say desert, I said dessert island. We have lots of different islands with super great sundaes and banana splits and pies and stuff. They’re like fast food restaurants for pirates. Regardless, we left her on that dessert island. And then I had her killed. Romance.


                That doesn’t seem very… Romantic, does it?

                You don’t get it! I’m actually a romantic, I don’t know if you’ve seen the films 500 Days of Marooned. It’s a romantic story and I love it. The scene at the end where the shark finally gets to eat the girl? Beautiful.


Well thank you so much. I’m um. I’m going to leave now. For um. My um. Phone is ringing.

                Thanks for coming. By the way, would you be interested in becoming a my head of accounting?


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