My Experience with Lemonade Stands

How old is too old to start a lemonade stand? Personally I think that there isn’t really an age that you should stop, but my family seems to think that 11 or 12 is a good age to stop. That was the last time I gave them a discount at my lemonade stand, I mean really that was the worst 21st birthday I’ve ever had.

Lots of people chastised me when I started my lemonade stand. I saw that little jerk across the street running his own lemonade stand. “Ooh look at me I’m so successful and young. I bet my wife won’t leave me like your wife left you Kevin!” he eyes seemed to say. Now my parents, as well as the cops, said that there was no way he was inferring that with just his eyes. If they were so smart though how come they never created their own lemonade stand I asked. They responded by saying “Because we’re not nine.”

That Summer was a big summer for me. I grew my first beard, got a girlfriend, and started that lemonade stand. Now some might say my business started off slower than Tyler’s, but that’s just because he had a “cuteness factor”. When I released the bee hive into his home he briefly lost that cuteness factor but quickly gained the “sympathy factor”.

Despite this blow to business I quickly bounced back by lacing my lemonade with highly addictive cocaine. This briefly boosted sales, before a real dip in sales during my brief stay in prison. I returned to true form though when I got back. I’d taken a lot of advice in prison and I knew exactly how I would get back at Tyler. I was going to run a full on slander campaign. It was incredibly disappointing though because for some reason he’d decided to stop selling lemonade and had gone back to his school.

I felt like that should be the end of that. Just kidding, I went to his school and started my slander campaign. “Tyler still wets the bed”, and “Tyler still poops his little diaper” were the slogans that ran around the school. Luckily though Tyler lost all of his friends before I was kicked out of the school and went to jail again.

I miss those days.


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