Last February I was disappointed to see that once again I failed to earn an Oscar.
A lot of people have dedicated their lives to winning an Oscar. And I think that’s a valiant goal.
I’m blessed myself with having already won multiple Oscars, though never at the actual ceremony. Yes, it was difficult, but I finally managed to get my friend Oscar to give me an Oscar for just $600 dollars. Isn’t it crazy, how he’s the head of the Oscar committee but still at the same time works as my secretary? Crazy!
Anyway, I’ve decided to finally compile a list of all my great movie ideas, and as an act of kindness for reading my blog, I’ll allow you to produce any of these films free of charge at just a $10,000 asking price.
Press Paws is a groundbreaking film about the lives of a group of household pets. These pets are really smart somehow. Maybe they watched a lot of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, or ate a little kids brain, I don’t know. Regardless, now that they’ve got these brains, they’ve got a great idea for some sort of new remote control. I don’t know what’s so special about it, maybe it allows you to switch channels faster or gives you the ability to kill European fascist dictators. I don’t know.
Regardless, now these pets have to convince their owners through lots of hilarious hijinks that the remote control idea is theirs. At the end of the movie, we learn something. Maybe something about society and our treatment of animals, or maybe we learn how to bake a pie. I don’t know. Regardless, it’s lots of fun for the entire family, and also for you because it makes you a lot of money.
The Tree Amigos
A loving love letter to the wild west. What happens when three trees come to life only to discover that they’re entire forest is going to be destroyed by Sylvester “Demon Eyes” Malone to make room for his brand new monster themed saloon? Together the three trees try and stop him from destroying everything they love. But they can’t because they’re trees and they can’t move. This would be a difficult one to pull off, but with the right character development and a really stupid audience you could make it work.
In an attempt to save their failing show “Last Ferry To Kitten/Murderer Island” a group of sketch comedy actors take out a large loan from the mafia. Unfortunately not everything goes as planned and the group becomes entangled in the mafia. A real nail-biter right? Anyway, lots of crazy funny things happen. Like for example one guy falls in love with the boss mafia guy’s daughter. So the boss mafia guy takes him under his wing. And then at the very end there’s lots of betrayal. And the mafia guys end up putting on the “Last Ferry to Kitten/Murderer Island” show, in an attempt at apologizing to the sketch comedy actors.
In the end the actors and the mobsters decide to combine forces and run the mob and the show together. It will teach the valuable lesson that sketch comedy is a dangerous world, and they should get involved in something safer, like accounting or the mob.
Those are my brilliant Oscar ideas. If you’d like to use any of them that’s fine, just remember that you have to credit me, also pay me 100% of the money you make. I know that may not seem like a lot of sense.
Thanks for reading!