Hello Mr. Sanderson,
As of last week you requested a replacement by way of your warranty. I regret to inform you though that you have voided the warranty and you will not be able to trade your son back in. I know this may seem unfair, but under the warranty we signed 12 years ago, it does not state anywhere that we can just trade him in for a new son.
I am sorry,
Dear Mr. Foreman,
I think there seems to be some miscommunication here. I do not wish to “trade my son in” as that is an incredibly barbaric thing in my opinion. No, I merely wish to get rid of him. I do not want a replacement. I’m sorry for my lack of clarification.
Again, I come being the bearer of bad news! I’m afraid you cannot return your son as he is an nonrefundable item, also I believe that may be illegal. May I suggest you give away a pet, or possibly some kind of family heirloom instead? Would that sate your hunger for generosity? If not, I really am sorry.
Well what if we went back to that trade idea? I’ll give you my son, and you give me a lifetime supply of doritos. Okay?
I’m just a little disappointed, I was so happy with the hospitals service twelve years ago, but it seems evident to me that now things have changed, and maybe my way of life is no longer accepted there.
I assure you, we have not changed so much, it’s just that giving away your son is most definitely illegal. Always has been. And onto the next thing, a lifetime supply of doritos? What is your boy, the King of England?
No. Mr. Sanderson, I feel like this will most likely not work out between us. I’m ever so sorry.
Okay, I get it. My ex-wife got you guys in the divorce, huh? I can’t do business with you anymore? Was that one of her conditions? Well I’ll tell you what, to make it less illegal I will flat out sell you my son. Got it?
I think what you’re suggesting is slavery. I’m sorry I’m going to have to cut off contact all together. I don’t have it in me to buy a son away from his father. Again. Please stop contacting us.