James Dracula

Well, it looks like you’ve killed me and found this letter stuffed in my pocket. Congratulations, for years many said I was unkillable possibly because of that rumor I started. As my murderer you become my sole survivor, gaining access to my mansion, pool, curse, fortune, and my first born child Amanda’s hand in marriage.

Pay no heed to my wife’s desperate pleas to be let back into the house because “it’s a family heirloom” or she “needs to break the curse for your sake”. Don’t listen to her. If you feel the urge to bite her on the neck, do it.Read More »

Mr. Average and His League of Heroes

 

Mr. Mean

                Mr. Mean was the founder of the League of Heroes. He first rose to prominence when a group of mad scientists couldn’t figure out the average of a math equation they needed to build their death ray. But then Mr. Average leaped to the challenge and helped them find the mean of the equation, ultimately helping the mad scientists build the death ray that crushed all those orphanages. Feeling bad about himself, Mr. Mean decided he wouldn’t let anything like that happen again, and dedicated his life to fixing problems.

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When We Met the Martians

When we discovered aliens on Mars, its safe to say that we were a little surprised. First off, if they’d been in those solar system so long how come they weren’t paying rent?

We were excited though because we were sure they had all the answers. It turns out though, that they were unemployed, and just bummed around in our solar system all the time. Of course, we gave them all the great technologies we had because we just were just trying to be nice. And you know what? At first they cleaned up the space debris, but over time they just stopped. They sat around on they’re own planet all day. And then they had those jerks from Jupiter show up, blowing up planets left and right. And there would be this funky smell. Just… gross.Read More »

A Historic Night

It was a historic night. And not just because it was that night that Dan finally kissed Alice. It was a historic night. Not just because it was the night that Old Gill got his revenge on those punk teens.
It was a historic night, not because Mrs. Annabeth murdered her husband in cold blood. Not because I finally managed to meet a ghost, and not just because my English Professor declared that he was half horse. Which explained a lot including the half horse body.
No. It was a historic night because tonight my cat tried to scratch my eyeball out, but in her defense I forgot to feed her.

Deathcycle

A lot of people throughout the years have spoken of the deathcycle. There was Abraham Lincoln who at later times in his life became more and more obsessed with it. Also, it is rumored that Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Deathcycle was actually about the Deathcycle.

The truth is though that no-one really understands quite what the deathcycle really is, back in the time of the Egyptians ancient scripts theorized that it was a bicycle that was very dangerous and happened to kill people. That was all we knew for a long time, but when the Ottoman empire was at it’s peak dozens of people reported seeing the deathcycle. Most of them reported it was half bicycle, half Grim Reaper.Read More »