Building a Cult of Personality

The greatest leaders all have cults of personality. Kim Jong-Un, Stalin, Abraham Lincoln. All of them have surrounding them dutiful worshipers and groupies. I have tried to replicate that to varying levels of success. Here are the results.

  1. First I started a rumor that I hit a 500 yard hole-in-one. Unfortunately, due to me only skimming the article regarding the Kim Jong-Un rumor on which mine was based, I made the mistake of saying I got a hole-in-one in baseball. When no-one knew what I meant, I realized it was time to shut up and note who to execute when I gained power.
  2. To a bit more success I started slowly telling people that I was such a great kisser that I made a girls mind literally explode. This did help me seem more impressive, but also discouraged people from kissing me. So… Win-Win?
  3. This was probably my most successful attempt at building a cult of personality. I told everyone that I was just the reincarnated version of Prince. When people asked me why I wasn’t black, or why I was 17 when Prince only died a couple months ago? My answer to that was to start singing raspberry beret. I did get some groupies, and a couple kids started worshiping me, but it wasn’t quite how I imagined it. First off, stalking! How come more people weren’t stalking me? Second off, fan clubs? How come there weren’t any? Was it because 82% of the school said they didn’t believe I was Prince and they hated me for lying? Or because the other 18% of the school was mentally disabled and not able to form a fan club? I don’t know.


Look. The moral of the story is it takes a lot of work to set up a good cult of personality. Work I’m not willing to do. I’m going to try and be less ambitious. So now I’m just going to try and convince the rest of the school that I’m a super hero.


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