I know it may seem like it’s a little bit late, but I think now is a better time than ever to throw my cowboy hat into the presidential race. Please no-one pay attention to the hat’s burn marks, or the poison shooters attached to it.
I have a lot to offer to the American people that other candidates don’t have. For example I’m really good at dancing. A lot of people don’t see this as an important leadership quality, but think what would happen if all of the world leaders were competing over the remaining oil fields through dance? Uh-oh, Putin can’t seem to pull off his hip-hop moves! He’s disqualified! America wins the oil fields only by the rigidness of my badass robot.
Now you may ask, what are my ideas for policy? Okay, here goes. I’m for less taxes. But also I think it would be a good idea if we spent more money on education! Also, I know this may seem like a bit of a long shot, but I think it’s a good idea to try and get everyone to make more money. Also college, I say we try and make it cost less money. But also, maybe we could try and figure it out so that the college makes more money. Maybe they start some sort of second college for stealing money from the first college. Which brings up another point! Less crime.
Now, I know some of those may seem radical, but that’s only because your not dreaming big enough. You may have heard of another candidates plan to build a wall. Well guess what? I’ll build a giant rocketship to bring the US into space! How are people going to get in if they can’t fly? You’re welcome.
Finally, I’d like to say that there is no way I’d be using a private email server. Because I don’t use email. I try and send all messages by pigeon. Sure, about 25% of my messages are either intercepted or hit by a plane, but at least none of them joined a street dancing gang like my brother Steve.
So that’s why I propose you vote for me. Chris.
VOTE CHRIS 2016!