Have You Been Murdered? Here’s 5 Easy Ways to Tell

A lot of people are murdered, some scientists speculate billions are murdered every day. Did you know though, that being murdered is actually one of the least dangerous ways to die in the public eye? Most Americans seem to think that there are other more dangerous things than being murdered, like car accidents (see my solution to that here) and having a broken heart.

I’m here to dispel that idea, being murdered actually is very terrible. Here are 6 ways to tell whether or not you’ve been murdered.

  1. Are you dead? A lot of people think that being dead actually has nothing to do with being murdered, but did you know that there is a direct correlation between being murdered and death? Surprising huh?

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  1. Are people looking at you differently? Did you know that at least 90% of murder victims find that people aren’t looking at them at all? Scientists say this is because once you are murdered, you will most likely find yourself in a “dead” state, causing you to not be able to see anyone at all.
  2. Are your friends avoiding you, have you not got any calls recently? This is part of the “dead” state, wherein which your friends don’t call you anymore because you are dead. Make sure to be careful when analyzing this one, you may be lucky and your friends just hate you, or maybe it’s really awkward because you got very drunk at a party and spiked the punch with something you thought was whiskey, but smelt mysteriously like rat poison.

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    My Uncle Freddy’s Skull. If you don’t add to much it actually makes a great drink container!
  3. Is all you experience something that could be described as nothing? When you wake up do you not wake up at all, but in fact just keep on not being awake because you are dead? If this is the case then I hate to say it, but there is a chance you’ve been murdered and are now dead.
  4. Do you find yourself covered in bloodstains, or have you sustained any major injuries? If so, have you then experienced #3 or #4? Because if you have there is a chance one of those major injuries caused your death, and you are a prim candidate for having been murdered.

If you have experienced any or all of these then there is a major chance that you have been murdered, or at least have died. If you find this is the case please consult your doctor immediately to get care.

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