How to Turn a Stalker Into A Friend

A lot of people are initially freaked out when they discover that they have a stalker, as they should be. For some reason or another stalkers have always had a negative connotation about them. There is this entire idea that a stalker is not a good guy, but the thing is we don’t know that to be true. Every stalker is unique, as is their reason for stalking. Maybe they’re just trying it as a hobby, or maybe they’re just trying to pay the bills for their baby. Who are you to judge?

When I first began being stalked, I was scared. Someone following you around, and all dressed in black, it’s a little bit creepy. But then I started thinking, wasn’t it a little romantic?

No. No it was not. But then something changed, one night I awoke strapped to a chair on the top of a skyscraper and as I screamed and screamed (heights are my greatest fear), I began to think, “Wow. They really know me.” That’s when I noticed that there was a clown up on the roof with me. As I began to cry and wish for a quickened death I began to think, “Not even my psychiatrist knows about my fears of clowns. This guy really understands me.”stocksnap_27ddowvuvv

And then there was a bang and all of a sudden the clown was dead, and I my chair was being pushed towards the end of the building. That’s when I got the first look at her. She was dressed all in black, with just a few prickles of blonde hair visible behind her clown mask.

She leaned me over the edge of the building and I looked down at the ground hundreds of feet below.

“Wait. Before I die… You wanna get dinner sometime?”

And that kids, is how I met your mother.


4 thoughts on “How to Turn a Stalker Into A Friend

  1. I try not to judge a stalker too quickly. Maybe it’s a coincidence that she showed up to the same place as me hundreds and hundreds of times. Or maybe it’s just a sign that we really like the same stuff. And like that stuff at the exact same times every single day.

    Liked by 1 person

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