The Neighborhood is Going To Crap


Let’s be honest, our neighborhood has gone to crap. It used to be this lively place. The kids would stay out all day playing with each other and the doing their best to avoid the minor radiation leaking out of the sewers.

But then things changed. They cleaned out the sewers. They took out the dead bodies from our air conditioning system that gave our street that classic smell. They arrested all the drug dealers and forced the kids to go to school.

And then they showed up. These upper middle class bastards with their BBQ parties and their mini-vans and their constant nagging at us that it’s ‘technically illegal to have your child standing on the roof holding the antenna to get a tv signal’. If it really was so illegal Elaine, then why did Timmy do it for 9 hours a day?

I did my best and told my kids to stay away from them and their vaccinations and health care. But I could tell my kids were beginning to get wild ideas about playing with balls instead of broken bottles of glass.

Back when this Neighborhood was cool, this would have been a broken bottle and not a ‘ball’.

Soon the neighborhood was divided by nice people, and us. And dammit I could not stand it. So I went over to their picket fenced home and sat on their luxurious couches while screaming at them for their crimes against the neighborhood.

And you know what they did? They were supportive! Saying ‘We’ll try and respect your values’ and stupid stuff like that.

Now I know this is a strange proposal, and I’m not sure what the banks policy on this is, but as you can see there is no way I can deal with these people. Please. I just need a $10,000 dollar loan to build a bomb to blow them up. Think of the children.


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