Don’t You Hate It


Don’t you hate it when you forget what you were talking about? Like you’re coming in from outside and you see your friend Kevin and you were pretty sure you had something to tell him, but then you’ve forgotten. So you talk about the impact of trains on American culture, and then right as a bear is about to attack you and your friend, you remember that you were going to warn him about a bear.

Don’t you hate it when you can’t remember why you kidnapped somebody? Boy is it awkward when you’re looking at them straight in the eye as they’re tied to a chair in your basement, and you can’t even remember what speech you were going to give! Was it a kidnapping motivated by love? Or are you kidnapping them for somebody else? Or are they your enemy who finally pushed you one inkling too far.

Don’t you hate it when you realize you can’t remember why you’ve kidnapped somebody because in actuality, you’ve been kidnapped yourself? That moment when you realize that who ever kidnapped you is missing an arm and has claw marks all along their body is the worst!

Don’t you hate it when you discover that it’s actually Kevin who has kidnapped you? And then he gives you a big speech about how he’s going to kill you and you’re trying to remember what you did to him and then you remember that you used him as a human shield against the bear.

Don’t you hate it when you realize not only is Kevin going to kill you, but also he took your light bulb? Sure you took it from him first, but must we really get into logistics?

Don’t you hate it when the police show up in Kevin’s basement because the two of you were totally having a moment? When they untie you and put Kevin in hand cuffs, and then you tell Kevin you’ll totally visit him in prison and he says if you do he’ll kill you.

Good times.

5 thoughts on “Don’t You Hate It

  1. Firstly, you gotta respect anybody that can put bears and kidnapping in the same story.

    Thirdly, (and this is almost as important than the secondly), Kevin really needs to learn to be more understanding.


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