Detectives Incorporated

It was a dark night, a darkness caused by the lonely minds of the people on the train. And also because we were inside, and it was an overnight train so the lights were out. It was dark but also cold, because of the coldness of the hearts of the train people, and also because the heater went out.

This is what I look like on the train. Only more handsome.

It’s not easy being a detective, let me tell you. People are always like “Help me found out who killed my son!” or “I lost my lipstick, can you find it?” or “Please get out of the way sir, this ride is only for children.” Sometimes, as a detective, your tired of always solving crimes because you can’t solve the most complex crime of all. Love. And also the Zodiac killer. That’s a complex crime too.

Yes sirree. Sometimes I think of this dame I met. She was all like “help me solve the murder of my husband!” Sometimes when it’s dark out I think to myself “Wouldn’t it be nice if I was her husband? And also wouldn’t it be nice if she didn’t kill me like she killed him?”

That’s the problem with being a detective, your always in too deep. You know people too well. Like my ex-girlfriend Amanda. I knew she was in it just for my inheritance the second that she told me she was in it just for my inheritance.

Now that you understand what it’s like being a lonely detective on a cold, dark train, would you do me a favor? How about a job? I’d really like to get into the detective business.

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