How To Rule a Young Fascist State

Freedom is pretty overrated. At least that’s what I tell my loving subjects every day. See that’s one great thing about being a dictator, lying. Hi. I’m Dimitri Murdero and this is How to Rule A Young Fascist Nation!

  1. Now we’ve all been there. Our first fascist nation state. You’re young. You’re dumb. You’re still in love with your wife, and your future mistress has just been born. It’s fun. Don’t do anything too stupid until you’re “progressive education policies” cements you as a God King, especially don’t let your stupid liberal brother start his charity to teach people to read.
  2. For those who can read, it’s a good idea to release a government sanctioned dictionary, with the words torture, rebellion, revolution, and burrito taken out.
  3. Pretend like you’ve come up with a revolutionary meal, that I personally called the “Dimitri Murdero” which is a thin flour bread with beans and cheese inside. If anyone claims that that is just a burrito, destroy them.

    food-1090619_1280
    The Dimitri Murdero
  4. You live or die by your mistress. Both literally and figuratively. Being poisoned is a real killer. On top of that, you marry your wife for it’s high power connections. You date your mistress for her connections to the bottom. You’re welcome.
  5. Don’t introduce the world to your children until you are absolutely sure which of them you’re going to pass the throne to. Boy oh boy does it suck having to get rid of your own child because the people have latched on to them. That was probably my daughters least favorite, and last, birthday.

There are lots of great things about ruling a fascist state, but these are some of the most important tips your going to get all day.

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One thought on “How To Rule a Young Fascist State

  1. OMG totally needed this today! I’m here in Romania (before you ask, NO I still haven’t seen any vampires).

    Anyway, I’m here in Romania where lots of us weird people felt the urge to tell the government we didn’t like their plans to decriminalize political corruption (crazy right-and by this I mean us of course). Sure passing this decree would help free up space in prisons, and the leader of the… wait. I’m supposed to be leaving comments here and posting at my place. Sorry, I’m still trying to figure it all out.

    Anyway, love your work. Gave me a much needed laugh after several NOT very funny days.

    Like

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