The Gopher Wars

I’ve seen a lot of suffering in my life. I’ve seen pain, blood, and a miscommunication that resulted in someone getting me LOW FAT ice cream. I mean, why even try?

But none of that matches up to the pain and suffering that happened during the gohper wars! What are the gopher wars you ask? Well let me ask you this, what aren’t the gopher wars?Read More »


A lot of people throughout the years have spoken of the deathcycle. There was Abraham Lincoln who at later times in his life became more and more obsessed with it. Also, it is rumored that Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Deathcycle was actually about the Deathcycle.

The truth is though that no-one really understands quite what the deathcycle really is, back in the time of the Egyptians ancient scripts theorized that it was a bicycle that was very dangerous and happened to kill people. That was all we knew for a long time, but when the Ottoman empire was at it’s peak dozens of people reported seeing the deathcycle. Most of them reported it was half bicycle, half Grim Reaper.Read More »

The Tragic Tale of Abraham Lincoln


The crazy thing about history is that us historians keep finding new evidence of historical figures all the time! There’s Queen Elizabeth’s horse manure factory, James Madison’s years as a Mexican Wrestler, and Cleopatra’s invention of the mop. Today though, we will be focusing on Abraham Lincoln’s years as an aspiring detective! I’m so excited!

Abraham Lincoln was always the most detectivey of his family. Whenever someone in his family would, for example, misplace the butter, good ol’ Abe would piece together who did it. He was wrong most of the time, but that didn’t stop him from getting the same warm feeling he got whenever he would light his log cabin on fire.Read More »

Queen Ellezabeth

Much has been said over the years about Queen Elizabeth, but not as many people are aware of her illegitimate daughter, who through an intense game of poker, became the Queen of England.

Elizabeth Tudors daughter was born Queen Ellezabeth, Queen being her first name. Queen Ellezabeth war not as popular nor as influential as her mother. Her most important reformation was the Murderers Tax, wherein murderers were taught taxidermy.Read More »